That Drifting Poo Was Way Too Meaningful! It's the Television Disappointments of the Year.

Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the past year, a handful of series emerge not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that had us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this love/hate follow-up? Plagued with dreadful scripts, painful arcs (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the final series began, it seemed as if it had at last hit its stride. Then arrived an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the final season. It ended on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too symbolic. Still, viewers undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a small sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’

But that was practically the smallest of this drama's problems. The recipient of a very rare no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to start listing the problems. The hilariously leaden writing? The mind-numbing veneration of affluence and materialism? The almost deliberate parade of tropes? Acting so bad they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and forget about this show again. However, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the legal troubles, abuse allegations and fatherly failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d really have known it from this multi-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any sympathy this show might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but dismissive narcissist.

The Iris Affair

Naturally we knew it was ridiculous from the get-go: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of pure love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. Talk about admitting defeat.

MobLand

Dodgy characters meeting in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to accommodate baffling accents. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a dispute over narcotics territory between various cockney rogues which seemed a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s almost easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into quaint lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a meme for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental platitudes and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly fascinating things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series chose not to explore them. Rather, the experience was akin to consuming a marketing catalogue. She clearly has good reason to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any favours with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too complicated to detail what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up reeking of a programme that was trying way too hard to live up to something way beyond it.

Too Much

How does one follow a show that captured a generation? The expectation was immense for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous friends involved felt icky.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the smart inclusion of talented younger comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be treated sensitively. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lumbering from oddly breezy, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A complete mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We love the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? Nope! This international thriller about government agencies spying on – and eliminating – academics frankly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This hagiography followed the online personality notorious for explicit escapades as she prepared for her biggest feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was far greater examination of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who showed up to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and zero interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.

Jon Avila
Jon Avila

A seasoned sports analyst with over a decade of experience in betting strategies and market trends.